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Saturday, December 5, 2009


Though your kids' squabbling exasperates you, it can be constructive. research has shown that the wrangling between siblings can teach kids valuable skills like sharing, problem-solving and empathy.


battles between siblings are easier to manage when there are easier to manage when there are fewer of them.the following pointers should help prevent(some of) the blow ups:
*avoid comparisons, such as "why can't you hang your clothes up? your brother is younger and he takes care of his things." not even favourable comparisons, such as, "your sister couldn't draw nearly as well when she was your age." any sorts of comparison can heighten competition and resentment between kids.
*dont show favouritism by giving one kids more of your attention, time or affection. even if you do like one kid more, dont think of him as being 'better' than your other kids.
*spend regular one-on-one time with each kid to minimise the battle for your attention.
*encourage siblings to talk about and respect each other's boundaries regarding toys, personal belongings, and space. each kid should have some items that are 'just his', and he's permitted not to share these few special items.
*treating kids equally does not prevent sibling rivalry because nothing can ever be exactly equal.instead of equal treatment, give according to need.

*when the bickering is escalating to screaming, name-calling, or physical fighting(or you have very young kids), then it's time to step in.
*though it's tempting to takes sides, establish "who started it", and blame one kid. it is more constructive to allow each kid to toll his side of the story without name-calling, blaming, or yelling.
*acknowledge how difficult it can be to work out an argument and express your confidence that they can find a way to resolve the situation, respecting each other.

occasionally, siblings seem to fight the same battle over and over again. when that happens, it's time to take a problem-solving approach.
*have a family meeting to discuss the issue. pick a time when everyone involved is relaxed and rested.
*set ground rules to minimise hurt feelings.
*don't let kids make you think that everything always has to be 'fair' and 'equal'- sometimes one kid needs more than the other.
*brainstorm some strategies together. for instance, if a kid complains that his older sister doesn't want to play with him when her friends are over, a strategy you might suggest is, "how bout the next time when Siti has her friends over, you and i play a game of your choice?" write down every suggestion, evaluating each other one carefully.

its unlikely that you'll ever eliminate sibling rivalry from your home but it's comforting to know that most brothers and sisters treat each other lovingly at least as often as they squabble.

source; susta friends(susta club) magazine vol4/2009


  1. rosma said...
    rajinnyer puan kelly kite menaip pjng2 tuh...good mom..ilmu tu..
    Lady of Leisure said...
    comelnya gambar daniesh and daniey... nampak classic...

    btw mmg agree dengan kenyataan kat atas tu.. jangan sesekjali compare anak kita dengan adik beradiknya yg lain atau anak org lain..

    boleh buat anak tu rndah diri kan.. biar mcmana pun anak kita, beri sokongan dan galakkan.. they need our support..
    KELLY910 said...
    rosma.. hari ni free sikit tu yang ada masa untuk menaip.. ekekke
    Nabi s.a.w. bersabda;
    'tuntutlah ilmu dari buaian hingga ke liang lahad'...
    KELLY910 said...
    lady of leisure..
    thanx lady..
    kalau parents sendiri pun pandang rendah kepada anak2.. macam mana lah anak2 tu nak punyai self confident yg tinggi kan.. actually kita sebagai parents sepatutnya memainkan peranan yg penting.. betul tak..
    Anonymous said...
    thanks kelly for sharing...

    err, ada petua untuk dapatkan anak2 comel macam anak2 kelly tak? :P
    KELLY910 said...
    sis sya..
    sharing is caring sis..
    petua anak comel ye..
    rasanye sis sya pun tahu kot..
    coz darwisy pun comel le..
    fisa othman said...
    wow boleh praktik kan biler irfan ader adik nie...;)
    KELLY910 said...
    sis fisa.. betul..betul..betul..
    tengah planning ke?
    adlinahusaini said...
    nnt aisy ada adik, boleh praktis ur tips.tq for sharing :)
    KELLY910 said...
    welkem dear...
    wina said...
    thanx kelly for sharing!

    mmg berguna bila kira dah ade adik nanti ehehe
    KELLY910 said...
    sharing is carind,,
    u're welcome dear..
    um. masyitah said...
    Thanks ya for this sharing
    KELLY910 said...
    ummu masyitah..
    u're welcome..

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